This is a blog about my life with my husband and our new baby. Its also about my crazy family . Its my blog and it contains my thoughts and feelings on a broad range of subjects, or really subjects that I think about long enough to write about.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Hospital run

We took Sophia up to hospital last night. She had been sick on and off all day Sunday, not being able to keep anything down, groggy and generally feeling very blah. I gave her a bath and put her down to bed at around 7ish. I came in to check on her at 7:10 and found the whole cot (and Sophia) covered in vomit. It was everywhere, the blankets were soaked through, it was on the floor, the poor girl had it all over her face (she was laying belly down) and in her hair. I had to give her a quick shower before taking her up to Triage/accident emergency at our local hospital. When we got inside she started to vomit again, we were seen straight away which was good because I had visions of being stranded up at the hospital with a spewing infant for a couple of hours. They have checked everything, eyes, nose, ears and throat. No urinary infection (thank god). I had to take her back this afternoon, she is much better today drinking 4 four bottles and having a little bit of dinner. The doctor I saw told me he thinks it was just a 24 hour bug (there are so many flu/bugs going around at the moment) and to bring her back if I felt worried at all.
She has been fine all day, hasn't even looked like being sick again. But she does have a gunky eye. Sigh it never rains, but it pours.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Motherly talk

My mother is sick. While I won't go into details, I will say that she is sick enough that I am scared about how long she will be around. This starts all sorts of sirens off in my brain. And as shaming as it is to admit, most of them seem so selfish when I write them down and look at them. I feel like a small child again, worried that when the lights go off and things get dark I will cry out for my mother and she won't be there for me. My heart seems to shrink in my chest when I think about tomorrow, the next week, or maybe next year, there being a time when I won't be able to pick up the phone, jump in the car etc and speak with my mum. I speak to my mum everyday, whether its asking for advice about Sophia, or telling her a joke I heard that I know would make her laugh, I can't imagine what it would be like not to do this everyday.
Also I feel sorry for Sophia. If things come to the worst, Sophia will not remember my mother. Or how much her nanny loves her. Or nanny giving her an extra chocolate biscuit even though mummy has said no more. I don't remember my grandmother (on either side for that matter). They both died before I was born, carried off by breast cancer. I often hear my siblings talk about this thing or that thing that made grandma special. I don't have anything like that. I don't have fond memories of grandma's cuddles, or her special choc-chip biscuits nor her sunday roast that was so good that it was often the talk of the town.
A part of me wants to spend every waking moment with mum, stealing her time all to myself kind of savoring every second that there is. The rational part of my knows that this is stupid and silly, but there is a small part, the jealous part, that wants her time exclusively all to me.
My mother is such a wonderful women. She would give you every cent she owned, if she thought it would help you. When Dh and I first moved in together we were sharing a car. We got into a car accident which wrote off that car. Mum drove us to work everyday until we got the insurance money to buy another one. Everything I know about being a good mother I can credit o my mum. I hope that when Sophia is grown up with children of her own she will turn around and same the same thing. When people tell me that I am 'just like your mother' I take this as a compliment, because she is the kind of women that I hope to be some day.
Mum I love you, I know I haven't always shown it, but I do. I hope with all my heart that you get better and live to a rich old age.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

My trying day

I have had a very trying day. Trying in the sense that while I have attempted to do a lot of things, nothing really seemed to get done.
I washed several loads of washing only to have it rain. Rushing out to the line not only resulted in my falling over and fucking hurting my ankle, but also the banging of the back door woke Sophia from her morning nap which in turn resulted in an ear splitting wail and a baby who wouldn't go back to sleep. I chose to try to rescue the now soaked washing. Finally got all the heavily soaked clothes off the line and inside the laundry. Put a load in the dryer and turned it on. Nothing. Emptied lint collector thing. Nothing. This nothing continued to happen for quite awhile. Kicking the machine only made my already sore foot /ankle hurt even more. No clean washing today folks, laundry has closed down and shut up shop.
After giving up on the laundry I remembered that the sound hurting my ears was actually my child crying and not a large airplane trying to land itself in my house. Swinging open her door (its always partly closed) I was greeted by a child standing in her cot (clinging to the bars) with her face screwed up so much that she was completely unrecognizable. Trying to change her damp nappy was a nightmare. Legs flailing around, body contorting into positions a yoga insructor would be proud of, and little arms trying vainly to keep her nappy off. Sophia was not a happy camper.
Lunch time came and went, with Sophia being the only one to get anything to eat. Afternoon was meet quite happily by me. Seeing Sophia rubbing her eyes, I brought her down to her bedroom for an afternoon nap. As soon as we walked through the door of her room she started screaming. No afternoon nap for us thank you!
By the time Dh walked through the door tonight I was (and still am) possivitly exhausted. Sophia finally went to bed after her dinner, bath and bottle. And after this post I think I shall do the same. Dinner, bath, bottle, bed!!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005


Otherwise known as "What the fuck have I done to my blogg page." And "Where has my comment section gone?"
Help anybody?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Why am I still here?

Yes I know I threw the blogging equivalent of a hissy hit. But I find myself with free time and things that I would like to blogg about, so if no one mentions it neither will I.

Dh and I find ourselves yearning for a home with a bit of space to it. We will soon be making the move to a new house with a larger property just as soon as we can find one that we like and doesn't break the bank. Why oh why is land so expensive around here? Granted it is nowhere near as freakin' expensive as over in the U.S or England but since hubby and I have been married the price of land has scarily rose in price.

And no, before you ask, I am not selling my house to my sister. We are going to use our house as an investment property and rent it out for a considerable sum. I meant what I said before I will never in a million years let my sister buy my house.... Even if she could afford it.

If you can believe it Sophia is now just shy of 11 months old. Where the hell has all the time gone? She as 5 teeth and a cheeky grin. Her eyes are still blue, but look more grayish then crystal blue. She looks like her daddy. The two of them are inseparable, always laughing and more then likely always up to mischief. Dh brought home a kitten for 'Sophia's birthday' (which means I have another cat to look after basically). They are such good mates. Charlie (the kitten) follows Sophia around all day, their favorite game is hide behind the curtains. Charlie will lie behind the curtains and Sophia will pull them back and shout ,"Boo!" Well that's what she means anyway, it sounds more like Bahhhh! But anyway...

For some strange reason I have gone back to work. Only for two days though, 5 hours a day. It hardly pays anything but it is nice to have a break from being home and enjoy some adult conversation once in a while. I find that 5 hours twice a week is more then enough work for me, anymore then that and it starts to get annoying really fast.

I am starting to become paranoid about putting Sophia's name down on a preschool/prep enrolment list. The good schools here fill up really really quick and there is a 2 year waiting list for the best ones. I know how important a good school is regarding education, but I don't want to seem like an obessive looser by putting her down before her first birthday.

Ok that's more writing then I have done in a loooong time. Better space it out if I am to have things to write about later on. LOL.

Oh BTW I would like to add that Dh and I are now sponsoring a child in Kenya. She is a little girl who is 6 years old. A little more on that later.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

The throwing in of the towel

Got the results back. Left tube now nearly compeletely fucked and other has some scaring on it too. Not having fun really. Don't know what to do. So sick of hearing that I should be greatful for what I already have. Have decided to stick my head in a big bucket of sand.
This is the end I think.

Friday, May 06, 2005

If I were of the religious persausion............

I would dub this post 'a crisis of faith'. But as I fall somewhere in the middle of the religious debate I will mearly call it 'A big bitch about the state of things.'
A few people out there may have been wondering where the hell I have been for the past lot of weeks (while the rest a blissfully unaware that I was even missing). Regardless of which one whoever is reading this may be, an explenation may be found somewhere in this post. Please note that I say may, as I may undoubtably become so caught up in bitching and moaning that I may forget all together.
Well I should get the good stuff out of the way first. I say with quite happiness that there is nothing, not-a-thing, wrong with Sophia. She has been in disguistingly good health over the peroid of time that I have not posted. In fact she is starting to crawl and is causing my cat no end of bother with her constant attempts to grab great handfuls of fur off her back.
I also add that my marriage still continues to look like going the distance. We celebrated my birthday and toasted to many a good year to come. Regretfully my husband still loves me and I will go as far as saying still fancies me. Yes, that means sexually too......
Now to the nitty gritty.
Come closer, I am going to whisper something to you.
Good news, my cramping has returned with added avengence, which means either I am completely imagining things or my endo is making a come back in style. I talk with my new gyno next week, but it sounds like I will have to have another operation to see how things are going.
Here is another thing that we haven't told anyone yet. Neither of us have been using any form of birth control. Would it suprise you to hear that I'm not pregnant? Yeah, doesn't suprise me either. While not overly pissed off at this unsuprising fact, I just learnt something that did piss me off. DH has gone and gottern herself knocked up, again. She only just got 'rid' of one unwanted pregnancey and here she is in the same posistion again. But wait there is more. This time she is going to keep it. Her reason, "Oh I thought I had better, since I got rid of the last one." I kid you not, these were her exact words.
How the fuck is that fair? Why is it those people who don't want/shouldn't have children are ridicuously fertile? This is a person who is stupid enough to be suprised by the fact that she is pregnant again. Hey you stupid girl here is an equation that will help you out:
you+ some idiot guy + unprotected sex= pregnancy.
Why don't you tatoo that on your forehead so at least one of you will remember? Oh and don't even think for a second that I will be 'lending' you any of Sophia's baby gear. Period.
I sit here and type this to you, slightly inebriated by too much cheap wine, wondering at the state of things. Yesssssssss for all you people out there that are thinking it and not saying it (and to those people who are) I know I already have one baby and shouldn't be crying about the fact that after 7 months I am not pregant again. Or the fact that my husbands whore of a sister is pregnant again a matter of months after finishing an unwanted pregnancy. This fact does not alter my veiw or chance my line of thinking. Well and good if we never have another child (be this biologically or through some other means not mentioned). Some may even pause to add that this might just be part of some bigger plan. This 'bigger plan' whatever it may be, does not take the bitterness from my mouth. Nor does the fact that I have a beautiful baby now make it any easier to swallow. I have plenty of things to be happy about. But if I can't express my contempt for such things here, then where? Shall I bottle them all up inside until I burst? Its bad enough that I have to listen to my older sister croon about her soon to be child (she is still trying to buy my house by the by), now I have to plaster a stupid smile on my face everytime I see DH family too. I don't know, its enough to make me want to bury my head in a wine barrel. This on top of having to have another lap soon. Hey at least I know that I'm not pregnant this time!? Eh, will you look at that? Something to be greatful for. LOL.